Heroes at Home
Stressed out by what to do with your kids? Worried about their education? Worried about their chance of survival under your care? I am an educator of 30 years with expertise and experience in everything from first grade to freshman college English. Here is a ‘How To’ on relaxing, educating your children, and having fun at home.
Houstonians had a good, much-needed laugh over a major TV station’s recent bandana spelling mistake, but what strikes me the most is that no one mentioned the worse error: “SCARFS?” So, I posted a photo of me after I “scarfed” down a banana.
Home, hero, and fun all in the same breath? Affirmative, soldier. Here is how I suggest quarantined, homeschooling parents teach kids and stay calm.
You parents soldiering in the trenches: relax! Two questions to ask: What do YOU love to do? What do your KIDS love to do? Go with these, and you can teach all the core information they need to prepare them for next year, and, adulthood. Studies prove that children do best in school in the content areas that are well-modelled at home. Are there books at home and parents who read? Then they’ll read. If parents are building or planting or cooking or traveling or hiking or watching/doing sports, etc. that’s what their children will want to emulate.
Now, parent — take stock: too much TV in your life? Social media? Time on your devices? I have been shocked over and over to see families out for a meal and the kids eagerly looking at their parents who don’t even notice as they talk or swipe on their phones. You have your kids for so short a time, mom and dad! Do you really want to disappoint and reject them this way? From the ages of 3 to about 12 they actually admire you and want to hear from you, and in turn be heard BY YOU! After that it’s too late. Ever wonder why your teens do not talk to you? Maybe because when they did want to talk, you weren’t listening.
Trust me, whatever you invest in them with your undivided attention in those impressionable years will last a lifetime! For them and for you.
Summary points:
- Lesson content concerns? GOAL: Help them be creative and critical thinkers!
2. There are lessons for a lifetime that only YOU can teach them.
3. Nurture life-changing relationships with your children by being calm and present with them.
4. Goals, structure, schedules, material, tests: Yadayadayada.
“To home-school or not to home-school” — that was the question. Way back in the day it was the number one topic of conversation among dedicated stay-at-home moms. When I was asked why I, a teacher, was not homeschooling my children, I seriously said, “I am! From 3:00 pm. until 9:00 pm. each day, each weekend, four months a year fulltime, I’m teaching and active in my kids’ lives.” (Also, my poor kids didn’t want me 100% of the time! Or I, them.)
I’ve noted over the past twenty years that my students in college are entering with less and less creativity and critical thinking and fewer writing and reading skills. Home can FIX that! It’s KIDS’ jobs to learn; they were born to be curious and learn, so take time to answer their questions and then also to be creative. While home-schooling, make it a relaxed yet committed atmosphere where you are Present, i.e. answer the questions! Listen (and thus validate) their thoughts and feelings! And then add to this with thoughtful, planned activities and situations which provide for more of the same: books, places, projects in which the kids’ minds will be opened to ask and seek more answers and where their creativity can explode into inventive problem-solving, guiding them, conversationally, into critical thinking skills.
Just one example of how this can play out is what my home looked like when my daughters were little:
· A piano that was played every day.
· Music in the CD player, or jingles and songs sung.
· A daddy-created play castle in the backyard, which also housed a slide, paddling pool, swings and a small garden.
· A painting easel up always (whether in a corner of the kitchen in winter or outside in the summer).
· Cupboards full of construction paper, sparkles, crayons and other arts/crafts supplies.
· A basement room that belonged entirely to the children and was stocked with old clothes and costumes, a rough-cut stage, a karaoke machine and old boom box as well as most of the toys they owned. One week it was a ‘mall’ with boutiques, plastic foods and toy cash registers for transfer of money and counting out change, and the next week it might be an “around the world” tour for guests or a stage show of dress-up, singing, or their “B.O.R.E. Newsroom” or stories they turned into skits and plays. (When neighborhood friends were involved these became elaborate with weekend Shows for the parents, which involved real money for ticket purchases.)
· TRAVEL: the best educator. Our trips could be to Disneyland or camping an hour away, a flight to Europe or an adventurous picnic to discover a new park across a town.
· Read or told bedtime stories. Our girls were gifted the expectation of discovery and of faerie-tale where they could hear, read and see that, while dragons are possible, they are also conquerable!
· In summer: a front yard that had an ever-changing gallery of chalk art and hopscotch on driveway and sidewalks and lemonade stands. (One year our youngest, aged 7, was so successful with the lemonade stand that she ‘franchised’ out to other kids on the block, making sure she learned percentages so she would get her ‘cut’ of their earnings!)
· And after each school day a mom to greet them with a snack and fighting gear: the older child choosing the snack and table to eat and do her homework, while the younger, full of stifled, explosive energy, choosing to attack the mom who would wrestle on the living room floor for half an hour. Each to her own.
PLEASE understand this was just OUR family’s scenario; if we’d had boys it may have looked different; if we’d lived on an acreage or farm it would have involved animals and so much more. No ONE family does it ‘right,’ so don’t let yourself be intimidated or made to feel inadequate: follow your instincts as a parent and do what’s in your comfort zone and what clicks with your kids’ strengths and personalities. And above all, realize that these years are short and fly by so relax and have FUN!
You Ask: But What’s so Easy About the Nitty-Gritty of Curriculum and Content?
You CAN teach your kids classwork well in just 4 hours a day! Specifically, for the time of quarantine, you will need to check with your student’s school and teacher. In my research for this piece I found that school districts vary greatly: some have daily assignments and contact online with teachers. Others just post weekly assignments. But either way, your school’s requirements can easily fit into the below format. And if they don’t have materials available, I suggest a fun trip to Costco for basic arithmetic/math, writing and spelling books (and treats of course) as well as ‘trips’ to excellent online resources: too many for me to recount here.
A Suggested Daily Routine:
AM. — 9:00: Arithmetic. 10:00: Language. 11:00 Free Play >LUNCH<
PM. — 1:00: Read. 2:00: Activities. 3:00: A “nature” walk. 4:00: Cook. >DINNER< Clean. Create.
Start the day off with a hard two hours of core subjects, keeping in mind that it is important to engage your kids by giving opportunities for them to make decisions and learn to take ownership of their own learning. E.g. To start the day, let them choose which they prefer. And then follow with the other subject. 1:00 Reading Hour: personal choice (as long as it approximates the child’s grade level). The nature walks and/or other outdoor activities can be science-related and apply to the curriculum, or you can just answer the kids’ questions. E.g. “What kind of bird is that? What side of a rock does lichen grow on? Or replace the walk with a science TV program or activity and wait for a clear night sky to roast marshmallows over a small outdoor fire and discuss stars and constellations. And, of course, tell ghost stories.
Kids help cook dinner and/or clean it up! (Reward chore time of any kind with whatever treat is healthy and applicable per child. E.g. Screen time, playtime, snacks (sneak in healthy ones). E.g. It was not until my girls were adults that they realized our Sunday “junk food supper” in front of the television had been mostly whole grain crackers, cheese, humus, sliced vegetables and fruit. It was the informal TV watching that it made it feel like they were ‘getting away with something’.)
After dinner and clean-up: one more hour structured around fun, this time with the spouse/partner who perhaps was not included in the daytime activities. E.g. Father may work on a building project like birdhouses or a fort or playhouse. Or mom do crafts with the kids. Or play table games or practice a sport with either/both parents. ETC.
Moms and dads, this may sound exhausting but GOOD NEWS! You only put in four hard hours of being “the teacher” in this scenario: the arithmetic, language, walk, and evening game. The rest of the time they were initiating (or being shown how to) their very own learning! AND every SINGLE hour of this Fun Day is better than twice that in school because it includes relationship-building with you and their siblings which WILL last a Lifetime.
This kind of home-schooling makes curiosity rewarded. (Schools largely squelch this.) It validates the creativity and initiative of every person. (Schools stamp this out.) It helps the student feel accepted and loved, hopefully all the time. (Schools too often do not.)
Now, classroom teachers, do not get me wrong. I hold teachers in high regard: both my parents were excellent classroom teachers, as were my grandfather and most of my aunts and uncles and friends! Being in a classroom is my favorite place to be. Most teachers do wonderfully well, given the space, time, overcrowding and standard-testing they must contend with — it’s the system itself that does now work, not well enough.
And for many adults who absolutely must work, school is necessary. My issue is with the argument that many parents are simply not cut out to be teachers. Most times this is an excuse created by the insecurity that you, the parent, do not know what your child needs, likes, wants and how that little human can be, should be, guided and molded. Wrong! Parental instinct is a hugely powerful force that is not given enough credence; you know in your ‘gut’ what should be done: when to be strict, when and how to discipline individual children, what freedom is needed, guidance, rules, stories and so much more. You, soldier, can be the parent that IS “Captain, My Captain” to your children — now and forever.
And as for the “scarfed” banana at the beginning of this piece, my daughter in Missouri texted me that we down here in Houston don’t have enough cold weather to own more than one scarf, so she could understand us not knowing the plural form of the word–magnanimous and kind of her, I’m sure.
